Say It
by StainedWithBlackInk
Summary: Just a little Shizaya about giving in to the most terrifying thing our world has to offer. Major angst and fluff!


I watched, elated, as my knife drew a new line across the broad expanse of the lightly tanned chest that was revealed in front of me. As blood slowly seeped from the wound I felt a growl, released from the same chest, reverberate through my body. It was funny how the sound was like a shiver down my spine and yet the man who produced it was three feet away. The connection between us was uncanny and more than a little frustrating. The damn protozoan who was Shizuo Heiwajima could read me like a damn book. He could guess my every thought and catch my every lie and yet…

I suddenly found myself pinned to the bed in my very own room. Shizu-chan had one hand cradling the back of my head, his fingers woven into my hair. His left hand twisted my wrist causing me to let out a gasp and allow my knife to slip through my fingers and land with a thump on the carpet. I looked at my wrist to glare at the hand that was quickly turning gentle and slid down my arm to grasp my bicep tightly. My right arm was restrained by the brute's forearm and the brute himself had managed to fit right in the cradle between my legs. His other arm was able to press against my left shoulder because of how he held my hair, leaving my left arm immobile.

I struggled as hard as I could. I wiggled and arched. I twisted and thrashed. I did anything to see if it could loosen the hold the protozoan had on me. "Ugh," Shizu-chan let out a grunt as he locked his muscles creating the illusion that his body weighed even more and took away that much more of my ability to move, "Damn it Izaya, just hold still for a second!" he was angry. He had a scowl on his face that wasn't so much directed at me as it was the whole situation we were in. And oh, what a situation it was. After months of teasing, toying, stolen kisses, and sly touches… I had broken. I had stubbornly refused to see the signs of the impending doom that inched closer each time I allowed this damn monster to chip away at my carefully erected walls. Fuck, just thinking about my stupidity had me flailing harder. I couldn't believe I had knowingly let this pathetic excuse for a human being drag me further and further towards the humanity I had left behind long ago.

I couldn't believe that I hadn't realized how corrupted I was if this brute's touch could cause me to crumble so easily in the first place. I had foolishly allowed our little game to grow in boldness every time I came into contact with him; whether it be throwing heated glances at each other from across the crowds or eventually letting him dominate me through passionate kisses and possessive holds. God, I was so _stupid_.

"God damn it, IZAYA!" I froze. I had never heard him yell like that and definitely not while being this close to him. His yell wasn't the angry catch phrase he would yell during out fights. This yell was crushing and demanded my absolute attention. I listened to the sounds of our harsh breathing as I stared at my bland beige colored wall to my right, not really seeing anything. I don't how long we laid there. It was one of those moments that only lasted a few minutes, but seemed to be able to fulfill an entire lifetime.

I felt the protozoan release my bicep and slide up my shoulder and to my neck so that his large calloused hand could cup the side of my face that was lying on the bed. Then, with a strength so gentle that it shocked me into admission, he pulled my head upward until his mocha eyes could easily bore into mine. Oh, if only he could've just given up there instead of lowering his head and capturing my lips with his own. I only wish that I had the strength to resist. I wish the second his tongue swept across my lips that, that one action couldn't force my eyelids to close and a small mewl to escape my throat.

Something in my head clicked and signaled that I had to give up. I was completely powerless against my arch nemesis and my mind was finally just as uncaring as my body was the first time I had these addicting lips against my own. With tears springing into my eyes I freed my arms and wrapped them around the idiot's waist and clutched the back of his vest as hard as I could. I was afraid that if I didn't I would utterly loose myself and really be at his mercy. If he ever got me to that state…who knows what I would do.

Even with my feeble attempt at staying sane I let out a moan that was long and low as a flood of heat shot up from in between my legs. I groggily discovered that my body had acted on its own and was grinding and rubbing every inch of itself against the brute. The fire that was raging under my skin was intensified as the rumble that poured out of Shizu-chan echoed onto my skin and created an itch so unbearable I could've screamed. I tried to relieve the odd sensation by slipping my legs around Shizu-chan's left thigh and rub myself up and down it. This caused my knee to rub against his arousal and in turn had him bucking his hips down my thigh as well.

Every move Shizu-chan's hips made sent a wave of ecstasy straight to my groin and had me pulling away from his lips so I could gasp in much needed air. This just allowed Shizu-chan to run nips and licks down my jaw and neck until he found a spot he particularly liked and sucked so hard it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I could only feel the air I inhaled in surprise burn down my throat as I tried to process all the sensation. I was going to explode if this continued much longer. My skin was becoming too tight and almost felt like a cage. It was itchy and so hypersensitive that my own clothes were unbearable.

I let out a pitiful whimper and started to squirm again as Shizu-chan rained kisses on every inch of my neck. I slipped my arms through his even though they were still wrapped around me and grasped onto the fabric on his shoulders, bunching it tightly into my hands. I let out another whimper as I rubbed every part of my self against him more frantically, "Please…" my voice would have been shameful had I the ability to think rationally. It was high, broken sounding, and bordered on being a moan itself. At the moment though, the only thing that mattered was getting rid of the overpowering need to be closer to him. I felt like I wanted to just melt into Shizuo and never leave. Close wasn't going to be close enough.

Shizuo abruptly let me go and sat up. I felt my eyes widen in horrified panic until he looked at me and continued to rip his vest and shirt straight off his body. Buttons flew everywhere and the clatter they made as they hit different surfaces sounded 10 times louder with my heightened senses. Shizu-chan took advantage of my temporary fascination with the different sounds to lift me up and remove my jacket and shirt. How he got them off without any of my assistance and not rip them was beyond me, but I was grateful for it.

When him being as far away as he was started becoming painful, he leaned down to kiss me…hard. My hips instinctively bucked up into his and I savored the short moan that purred its way onto my lips. He allowed my tongue entrance and I quickly took as much of him in as I could before he decided he wanted control again. I tried to memorize every nook and cranny of his mouth and relished the places that would make him sigh or moan.

Suddenly, Shizuo lifted his head away from me and slid down my body slightly and out of nowhere took my right nipple into his mouth. A chocking sound managed to free itself from my lips, but I quite literally couldn't manage to make a sound as Shizuo lapped and nipped at my skin until it was raw.

When he finally switched over to my neglected side his hands slid down my sides causing a shiver to ripple down my spine and started to push my pants off my hips. His hands continued to lead the fabric down my thighs as if the belt, zipper, and button meant nothing until his arms were fully extended. From there I kicked them off. In my hurry to remove them, my arousal slid against the abs that layered Shizuo's torso and I discovered that he had also removed my boxers. God, what a deliciously horrible way to notice that.

Shizuo started to trail his lips all over my torso. He had also managed to grab my wrists once again and pinned them near my shoulders so that my arms were bent. I whined in protest and bucked my hips again, but this did nothing to perturb him. I settled with lifting my legs and using my feet to push down his own trousers and boxers. I didn't have quite as much coordination as I would have like though, which might have been a good thing, because Shizuo had to release my arms to help take them off. He ended up having to sit up again, but this time I followed him. I let my left hand thread through the blond locks at the nape of his neck and my right arm slither around his waist to dig my nails into his back. I moved quickly so that I could latch onto his neck before he stopped me.

Shizuo let out a grunt of approval as I sucked on my favorite spot on his neck. Having only found it a few weeks ago the mark there was a lot more noticeable than the fading marks on…other parts of him. As I slicked his neck with saliva I started to rub myself up and down him again and whimpered like a puppy at the skin to skin contact. Fuck, it was too much.

As I angled my head in different directions around Shizu-chan's neck I heard another sucking sound aside from my own. Being as intoxicated as I was, the realization was a fleeting thought instead of something that would provoke curiosity. So it was no big surprise that when I had finally made it down to his collarbone that I didn't notice the cease of the slurping sound. I definitely figured out what it was, though, when a slick finger was suddenly thrust into me. All at one time, my eyes and mouth flew open, my hands switched their positions so now my right hand was in Shizuo's hair and my left was clutching his shoulder, and then I straightened up on my knees which were bracketing the brute's thighs. As the finger started moving in and out and curved inside me I was torn between trying to get away from it and forcing it closer at the same time.

While my mind was trying to decide which I wanted, Shizuo saw fit to add a second finger while I was distracted. I groaned out and thrust my hips towards his hand while my hands grabbed him wherever they could. I felt a hand wrap around my left side and pull me somehow closer to him, but it was also causing those devilish fingers to slip away. I whimpered as I arched my back to try to force my hips back. My instinctual movements had me suddenly brushing my erection across a hard, searing heat. In my right ear Shizuo let out a strangled moan and I was to gone to realize what I was doing.

I was so gone that the motion of Shizuo laying me back down on the bed felt like nothing but vertigo. His fingers were still buried deep in me, but his right hand came up to gently grasp my neck. Pushing my hips up through the fingers in my entrance he ground our erections together making me let out a silent scream with my eyes clenched tight. I felt his lips slip over my right cheek and then graze the shell of my ear. Shiver after shiver racked my body as he arched his fingers inside me and nipped at my ear, "Say it…" his voice was husky and full of gravel. "Ughhh…" I moaned at the sound of it, "Say it…" he repeated. I slowly shook my head side to side. I didn't know if it was my response or just me attempting to clear my thoughts, but whatever it was it didn't appease Shizuo. He let out a growl as the fingers inside me stilled and he moved to have us face to face again.

I could imagine what I looked like. Drunk. My eyes were at half-mast and glassy. My cheeks were hot and flushed with a feverish color. My lips were as red as my eyes, and slick, swollen, and parted. I would've murdered anyone else who might see me like this. Shizuo was the only one who could see me like this. He was the only exception…and that was terrifying.

However, Shizu-chan himself seemed to be knocked out his lust driven stupor a bit as anger slowly crept onto his expression. His caramel eyes were open all the way, but still a little hazy with lust. His cheeks were dusted pink and his lips swollen as well. He was breathing heavy the same as me, but that only seemed to add to the appearance of his awakening frustration. Then, out of nowhere he gripped my jaw forcing me to open my mouth and crushed my lips with his. My sound of surprise was muffled and soon transformed into a moan. My eyelids slipped close and I wound my arms around Shizuo's neck. The kiss was anything but gentle. It was forceful and demanding full of nips bites and tugs. It was meant to retaliate, to force out what was wanted. I wouldn't give into him on this battle though. I had conceded that Shizuo won the war, but he was not going to win this particular fight. I couldn't let him.

By the time we separated for air I was so aroused that I felt drugged. My breathing was labored and saturated the air making it muggy. My skin still felt too tight and it was on fire to boot. Everything was just too hot. "SAY it…" Shizuo's growl was more forceful and maybe even a little frightful. Looking at nothing in particular, but trying to focus on his animalistic orbs, I shook my head lazily; "No." my voice was ruff and felt like a cough that was stuck in my throat.

With a growl that could've rivaled a lion's, Shizuo tore his fingers out of me. I whimpered at the brutal feeling of emptiness that swamped me. But that whimper became a scream as Shizuo quickly slammed into me and managed to hit my prostate dead on, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" I felt a few tears leak from the corners of my eyes at the painful pleasure. Shizuo leaned down to gingerly kiss the outside corners of my eyes in a heart wrenching act of tenderness. The bi-polar action mirrored his earlier words when we had managed to catch me on his own…

_"I will break you apart at every opportunity Izaya, but don't ever think I won't fix what I've broken…" _

The words had been a warning and a promise at the same time. It was a warning that he would get what he wanted no matter what it took, but at the same time he was promising that if he does manage to break me; he'd still be there to pick up the pieces he had ripped me into. I definitely could count on him breaking me; I just wasn't sure about him cleaning up his mess. Because if he chose to seriously resist me on this…he had the power to do more than break me. I just didn't know if he knew that yet.

"Shhh, I got ya. Don't worry, I'm here." I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to will away the tears that threatened to spill at the achingly kind words. Why didn't he understand? Why couldn't he just keep up with the façade of us hating each other? Why couldn't the sex we now had be like it used to be? Just another form of fighting! I can even remember the very hour of the day when Shizuo changed the rules. The very minute he changed the _game_. That was the day I saw how far I'd taken it…how far I'd fallen.

"Mmmhhmmm…." Shizuo slowly pulled out, leaving only the tip of himself in me, only to ram back in as hard as he could, "AHHHHAA!" I was a moaning, drooling mess as Shizuo pounded into me over and over and over. I almost started crying for real when he kept just missing that _one _spot. I wanted to scream in frustration, "SHIZUO!" better late than never I suppose, "Ahhhhhh…." Now he was aiming for it I swear. Oh god I couldn't take it.

I could feel the telltale coil in my stomach start to tighten, but it wasn't enough, "M-more…Hard-der…PLEASE!" suddenly Shizuo stopped thrusting. I let out a yell of frustration, "NO! Ughh!" I opened my eyes to see Shizuo looking at me with a soft look in his molten eyes. His hair was hanging around his face, dampened with sweat. His mouth was tilted upward in one corner creating a small smile that would've weakened my knees had I been standing.

His eyes started to flick back and forth between my eyes and my mouth. He lowered his head slowly while still glancing back and forth when he finally chose my lips. With the softest of brushes, you couldn't even call it contact, he kissed me. He leaned his head to the other side and lightly pulled my lips. He cocked his head again and continued with the teasing caresses. He tugged at my lips again and again, touching them, but not quite putting pressure.

With my eyes drooping, once again, at the calming touches, my arms slid from around his neck and I buried my hands into the hair around his ears. I started meeting him in the evanescent kisses. At my first response he pulled back. I looked at him curiously until I saw the smile spreading across his face. He looked at me with _that _in his eyes. There was so much of it. It quickly started to feel suffocating, the emotion in his eyes. A new round of tears started to cascade silently down my face because I knew what this was. I knew why he stopped. I knew why he was kissing me like this. I knew what he wanted to find out…I knew, for me, what it meant.

"Shhhh, no Izaya, don't," he leaned down to place a sweet peck in between my brows, "Don't cry," he moved so that his forehead melded with mine; his nose rubbing mine, "Please, don't cry. It's gonna be ok. I promise. It's gonna be ok." Taking in a shaky breath I copied his earlier movements by looking back and forth between his eyes and lips as I slowly pulled his head toward me. I continued our transient kisses. We moved our heads back and forth to try to get the best angle, to be able to feel the other the most. Soon enough, my body was acting on its own again and I found myself rocking my hips. Torturing myself with the agonizing pleasure.

Shizuo started rewarding me with real kisses. Not passionate or aroused ones, but…they were _those_ kinds of kisses. They were sweet and chaste. That's when he started to ease out of me. My eyes scrunched at the waves of heat lapping at my insides. "Ahaa!" He paused for a moment and I let out a sob, why was he doing this to me?

"I love you, Izaya." My eyes flew open right before Shizuo slammed back into me and hit the little bundle of nerves inside me, "Mmmmm…." I let out one continuous moan as he sped up his pace only slightly. He would take his time as he pulled out, but then he pummeled back into me only to slow down once again. I gave up on trying to control my tears. I started sobbing as he fu…no. I know what he was doing. He was making…love…to me. I sobbed harder. Shizuo just placed kisses all over my face and neck, "I love you." Kiss, thrust. "I love you." Kiss, thrust. "I love you." Kiss, thrust. I couldn't take anymore, "Please…" "I love you, Izaya." "Shizuo…" "I love you." "Please…Aaaaahhhhh!" my release came out of nowhere. My vision went white as my whole body tensed and let the waves of bliss consume my every thought. For a few amazing seconds I was alone; I could think. I didn't feel _that _ripping at my insides and destroying everything I had accomplished to keep it out. I would've chosen to have never met Shizuo Heiwajima than come down from this high to be faced with my petrifying reality.

"Ughhh." Shizuo moaned out as I felt his release within me, but even when my legs fell from around his waist and he had already finished, he kept thrusting into me…like he was trying to force me into it, "Say it." I sluggishly waved my head, trying to convey my franticness, "Please, Shizuo…" "Say it." "Please…" _don't make me do this. _"Say it." As I pinched my eyes close again I fisted my hands in his hair. It had to have been painful, "Shizuo, PLEASE…" I realized that I was crying and begging to the strongest man in Ikebukuro; to the protozoan who was my sworn enemy; to the man that I…

"I love you Izaya." "Please…stop…"


End file.
